The Silverlight

Posted: 6 de February de 2012 in Sin categoría

I’m not music lover nor movie buff, I’m the most ignorant person on Earth in those two subjects. All I know about Lady Gaga is that she is a singer with crazy outfit. All I know about Michael Jackson is that he was black and became white, that he was the opening news once in a while because he was the star of scandals about children’s sexual harassment and that he died on June-July 2010. I started to listen and downloaded just one song of him a couple of weeks ago: Smooth Criminal, because it was sung in Glee and I found it catchy.

It is pretty much the same case in movies but, though I’m not music lover nor movie buff, I like to focus on small details that are meaningful to me like specific scenes of some movies with a key message. That’s the case of the first High School Musical movie, when Troy and Gabriella talk in the roof (audio in Spanish, caption in English, if you can’t see it, click the CC button):

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Another clip that totally got me was this one from Sky High:

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But the clip that came to my mind today and is the reason of the title of this post, comes from Stuart Little 2, in the Spanish version of the movie they say “Rainbow” instead of Silverlight… I still don’t get the Spanish literal translation for Silverlight, but Rainbow (“Arcoiris”). Works perfect.

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Anyway, there’s no better teaching than that, that it totally applies to my y life and to what happened today. Besides, it is not about one rainbow but many… The first and most important are my friends, Cata and Nathy… is different, is special… My friends from the neighborhood (I grew up with them and friendship still remains) worth gold, but they are men, mostly, I have few women friends… It was like the patron (the fact of not having them) after what happened with Vicky… There was also Olga but I screwed that up. Besides it wasn’t really a friendship but an unhealthy relationship from my part.

Laura is my best friend from school, I love her and appreciate her but I met her in our senior year, we didn’t really built a friendship and different lives and career didn’t allow either that this happened.

In other words, I think my experience in friendship with women has no more than 5 or 10% (ok, 20% at the most) of advantage to my love experience which is really short almost nothing. And it was so nice that I told Cata and Naty what had just happened and they told me at once: “let’s meet right now in X place and talk”, that worth a lot to me, it was something very significant. It’s been a while since seemed to be we were going to see the three of us to hang out and it finally happened though not for the best reason but it was that what made it so special. They came to me when I needed it the most.

I put this in the Lord’s hands, I was expecting me to do it better at work, I knew I was hanging by a thread and though I promised myself to make a better effort, I also told Him that He knew how he does his things and that because of that I let Him handle the situation. We both knew I wasn’t happy at my internship and though the solution implied a brutal shock, He made it happen… Today the faculty told me that at El Tiempo (where I was working), they had decided to finish my internship agreement…

It’s hard not to be altered by a news like this… I freaked out, there are no more perfect words that describe how I felt: “I freaked out”.  What it scared me and worries me the most was having to tell that to my parents… I have to work in my relationship with them, I don’t trust them my stuff not because they don’t deserve it, of course they deserve it, they are my parents, but I’m unique child and I have 200% of their attention focused in me. Besides, I have a past memory that doesn’t help either, maybe I should let it go.

I don’t trust them either because their preoccupation for  my health and psychiatric history really annoys me. It doesn’t have a reason to be, I mean it’s ok that they worry, but the reason is a damn lie they believe in. I have many fears to trust, and maybe obsolete, expired reasons that don’t allow me to realize that they are for love me and support me, not to judge me, as they demonstrated it today. I think this is rainbow # 2 and it comes with a message: I need to work in my relationship with my parents.

Sonia (the person in charge of managing students internships) called me today at 11 am almost 12 I think, and while I was having lunch (though I didn’t really do it, I had no appetite because of the situation), my godfather called me back because after hanging up with Sonia, I called him. Since she told me to go to university and meet her at 4 o’clock, I was plenty of time to see my godfather before that he had time, but he didn’t and we agreed to see each other on Wednesday… However, it was him the first person that crossed my mind after what Sonia told me, him and a desperate desire of seeing him, pretty much like when I lost control of my life in 2009, except that this time I wasn’t and I’m not wrong, I mean my mind is fine, I just got altered by the situation. I wanted to talk first with him to think well what I was going to tell my parents… but he remained in his decision of seeing each other on Wednesday and it was obvious that nor this problem nor my silence could last that long.

Finally I realized that the best way to tell them was separately, and I that idea came to my mind while I was on my way back to Bogota (I studied out of the city, in Chia, like 20 minutes by bus)  to meet Cata and Nathy… when I was with them I told my mom through BBM to meet me at Bulevar (a mall close to where we live) and so she did.  I told her everything there and then she told it to my dad, then the three of us talked and it was fine, they support me. Definitely I overreacted about how they were going to take it but it was because I was so scared.

What gonna happen with me now? Well, the faculty backs me up 100%, thanks God I have a good academic record not because of my grades but because I’m a good student, I’m good at what I do and I like = journalism, written press, they know me at the faculty. What happened didn’t happen for being neglected and despite all it was good or convenient because I wasn’t writing and that’s what passionate me.  I like technology, or more than that, social networking, I’m also a little bit empirical with Adobe programs, but that’s all, my passion is NOT there nor I want this like to take me to do mechanical stuff like the ones I was doing at my internship. I know you can’t be so demanding when you are starting and though my job wasn’t connected with my passion, I didn’t do it reluctantly, and any way, that’s they way things happened.

Is hard, but I’m fine, this is something that shocks you but God knows how he do his things and rejoicing in Him give me tranquility. Better things will come that connect with my passion and talent.

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Comments
  1. […] did have in mind the wish or idea to fix my relationship with my parents, that was when I had the reflection about the rainbow,  but I didn’t really try. Though things have improved a lot and I must recognize […]

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