God through my mom

Posted: 15 de June de 2012 in Sin categoría

This was originally written in Spanish on my blog from blogger though for the subject should have been thought an written in English here, I felt more confident to do it in Spanish. So here I am, translating.

Sometimes we hear truths that are hard to deal with, to recognize them, that maybe we wanna argue against them or at least ignore because is hard to face them. They are truths that in the bottom put a questioning straight to the heart and they are like a life or death challenge, maybe it sounds like empty words or that I’m overreacting but is serious. Challenges mean changes and that’s something I can’t deal with, I prefer to avoid them or at least resist at the beginning.

Several months ago, in two occasions, close in time among them, Fercho preached about the importance of having a good relationship with your parents as a requirement to have a good relationship with God, we can’t be in peace with Him if we aren’t in peace with our parents. In those days I was like clashing with my parents all the time, it was then when Ricardo, the psychologist, said that I was having the fights a teenager normally has with his parents at 16 (I’m 22).  When Fercho said that I was like “but that can’t be true because if it is then I (…) if I’m fighting and arguing with my parents all the time, I’m not at my best with God right now?”… That was a truth, a challenge, accurate, sincere, stark, straight. A truth that put on the table a bunch of questioning I couldn’t stand and preferred to ignore.

I did have in mind the wish or idea to fix my relationship with my parents, that was when I had the reflection about the rainbow,  but I didn’t really try. Though things have improved a lot and I must recognize God’s power in that, it also has to do with my evolution, someway, thanks to the process with Ricardo.

But that radical and notorious improvement has a lack of core, the key, the basis: trusting factor. My God, please forgive me but right now I’m going to intentionally exclude to my father from this writing. I love him very much and he is so important for me but our relationship has been distant, and with him, before having confidence, I just want to have a closer relationship… I don’t know if time will do for that (he is 75) but I’m not going to rush things nor I’m going to run against the clock. What I need to fix in my relationship with him is really complex and complicated. The metaphor of the satellite, was one of the most accurate points from Ricardo about my life, that has been the role of my father in my life, he is there but he is far and is hard to get to him, that’s why I prefer to take the image and person-personality of my mom to represent herself and my dad when I talk about my relationship with my parents.

My mom is really beautiful, she is the most wonderful human being on Earth… I think I no longer care about her mood issues, when she gets really angry allowing anger to be more than her, so that she make faces, clenching, eyes out of orbit, and maybe tries to slap me (NOT in face). Maybe our relationship has improved though we haven’t realized of that… really it’s been a while without fighting, no fighting at all… she is more comprehensive and I’m more receptive when she calls my attention, I no longer confront her and is great to see that we no longer fight that way. The trusting factor in this case is limited because I wanted to be that way, because I convinced myself that “parents before friends are parents, and you don’t wanna make them worry”, I actually think that a very reasonable-logic argument, I still believe it, but is a way of thinking that it made me blind and it made me closed to my mom, with that beautiful human being that gave me life, to turn my back to her instead of trusting her, to push myself away and hide from her. But even with all those barriers she can know me and get me in a way nobody else can. Ágape is not only the love of God or Jesus for us, Ágape is also the love my mom has for me, and I’m 200% convinced about that, she has shown it to me in the last days.

(This is my handwriting on Bible study lesson, translation above in caption):

Before the death and ascension of Christ, the highest love known by man was phileo love, the willing of a man to dye for a friend. But in Christ, God was showing to the world a new type of love, the love ágape.
New meaning = love that is willing to give and die even for an enemy.
Ágape love = the love of God for the world. The highest love possible = the love of God.

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She is incredible, she is beautiful, I love her and maybe with my acts (of not trusting) I’ve hurt her, but she has been able to get me and support me, just the way God can do it. My mom is not God, but her love for me it as big and wonderful as the one The Father has for us. Today I can get Fercho’s words, parents are ambassadors of God in Earth, His representatives, and my mom is my earthly link with God, during the last days I’ve learnt a lot from her-Him.

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